Now I feel like we are sort of in a limbo of sorts. Our book is still being review by our AL and her supervisor. AL is writing up our Home Study and I’m, well… I’m going crazy! I’m much better when I have something to do, a goal, a timeline. Not to say that I was particular excited about the mountain of paperwork, fingerprints, time creating the book, but at least I felt like I was doing something.
To pass the time, sometimes Mr. M and I look at the kiddos available for adoption through the state. Every state has photolisting of kiddos that need Forever Families. We like to keep all of our options open so we look at those. Ideally I want a newborn. For me, I want the entire experience of being a mom. I want to experience all these things with Mr. M. For him, that part isn’t so important. He wants to be a Daddy again. He would bring home any kid needing a home and love them as his own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stone cold monster kicking kids to the curb, I just have a different need at this time. Selfish…but isn’t wanting a child selfish anyway? I mean, most people want kids to pass on their genes, family names, features, etc. A littler version of themselves, no? Anywhoo, I digress. I saw the two most beautifulist kiddos. The Girl is 3 and the Boy is 1. They are siblings. I forwarded Mr. M their pics and he wrote back “Those are our kids”. Admittedly I did get a little excited. They are young enough to bond with us but old enough to be a little more self-sufficient. Best of both worlds, right? I called the contact number, no answer. I emailed them. They responded with a generic, "Thanks for your interest in “Girl” and “Boy” email. I call again, I email again, I call again, I email again…. Don’t these people know we’d be the best parents for these babies??? Guess not. If we were able to adopt from the foster care system a lot of our financial worries would be alleviated. Meaning, more $$ to spend on the babies!!!! But no one will get back to us. I asked AL last time she came by and she said that her agency doesn’t work with state kids. L I don’t know how satisfied I am with AL at this point anyway. I know it’s just the beginning but I don’t get the vibes from her that she likes us. Sounds silly but in order to convey to a birthmother that a certain couple should parent her child, she should like us. People can sense inauthenticity and I don’t want that getting in the way. I contacted another agency that gives more options. They work with Foster-to-adopt as well. Also, they don’t accept Home Studies from other places UNLESS you want to adopt a black baby. Ah! Yea! Pick me, pick me! It’s ridiculous to me that children should be separated out like that but whatever. Mr. M and I don’t care about race. I mean we do, we understand our society views things and all that crap but when it comes to bringing a baby home to love and raise, it wouldn’t matter if it was green with antlers.
This process is enough to make one pull their hair out and sit in a corner rocking and mumbling. I KNOW everything will work out. I KNOW our child(ren) will join us when it the right time. I KNOW all with be right, but I don’t want to wait. I want it NOW NOW NOW!!! J