Friday, September 16, 2011

Copy Cat!

I haven't written in a while. I get like that... I didn't make a big fuss when we were Home Study approved. Well, I posted it on Facebook but I didn't write a blog about it. But in Adoption Blog world it's a HUGE deal. They call it being "Paper Pregnant".

It's just hard for me to say that I'm pregnant of any kind. Maybe it has to do with the fact that in order to fully commit myself to the adoption process, I had to mourn my dreams of being pregnant. I had to grieve that idea, the images and fantasies. I had to get out of my mind the image of a positive pregnancy test, the first Dr.'s visit, morning sickness, flutters, weight gain, belly pictures, back aches, Mr.M talking to my stomach, all the pregnancy dreams I ever had. So, yea, it's hard to say, "I'm paper pregnant!" For others that works for them, but for me I feel like I'm pretending, I'm faking it to make it. Anyway.... I hadn't planned on blogging today but that one just came out.

I have been blog stalking though and I came across a post that I could have written myself. I didn't though. This women seemed to write exactly what I feel. I don't know her but I've made sure to put her blog addy on here so you don't think I'm a real faker. Is that an oxymoron? I love that word, "oxymoron". LOL

Posted on April 14, 2011 by adoptchange 

You’re pregnant…I’m paper pregnant (aka: have a completed home study)

You’re reading pregnancy books and parenting books…I’m reading adoption blogs and birth mother profiles

You’re decorating a nursery…I’m decorating an adoption scrapbook for birth mothers to review

You’re scared of stretch marks and how you are going to get back to your pre-pregnancy weight…I’m scared of the potential health consequences of not ever being pregnant (increased cancer risk, etc.)

You’re worried if breastfeeding will hurt…I’m worried how baby and wallet friendly bottle feeding will be

You’re researching baby products to find out their safety ratings…I’m researching the effects of drugs and alcohol in case I’m presented with a case where one or both were used during the pregnancy

You’re wondering who the baby will look more like…I’m wondering how the world around me will react if my baby is of another race than me

You’re stressed about your portion of the hospital bill for the birth…I’m stressed about the mountains and mountains of legal fees I’m going to have to pay

You’re counting down the days until your due date…I’m counting the days that have passed since I completed my home study with no adoption placement in sight

You’re enjoying baby showers and the attention that comes with being pregnant…I’m *trying* to enjoy the quietness that stills exists in my life for now (and will continue for an undisclosed period of time)

You’re not sleeping thanks to the baby’s moments…I’m not sleeping thanks to not having a baby and wondering when it will happen

You’re nesting…I’m dying to nest

You’re deciding if you should start a college fund now…I’m deciding what items I’ll pay a birth mother for during her pregnancy (clothes, transportation, medical, rent, etc.)

You’re excited and nervous for what the future will hold for your baby…I’m excited and nervous for what the future will hold for my baby

You’re becoming a mom through biology…I’m becoming a mom through love

by adoptchange